To love and be loved

They say the greatest gift in the world is to love and be loved. "Better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all."

The "to love" part, I get. Can't say I'm perfect at that part, but I understand it. I do love. I love life - usually; and I love those around me. I love those who have taken part in who I am today and have helped shape me into the woman I am now. There have been a lot of people in and out of my life. To say a hundred people have impacted me would be an understatement. I won't say that I remember ALL of them. But I remember a good majority.

I remember the young man who drew me a picture before I moved to VT.:) Thank you Gorge. While I'm sure you're not reading this I don't think I ever got a chance to tell you how much that meant to me. I still have it. It's hanging up on my bedroom wall. Every time I see it, I think of you and your kindness to a person you didn't know that well.

I remember Alexis in Colorado along with the many others I met in my three years there. I remember my old friend Katelyn and her parents' restaurant. "Why do you always ruin my husbands good food with soy sauce?!" Every time I grab a soy sauce packet, I think of you Diane.

There was Helen and Kathryn from my first go round in Tennessee. Let's not forget the long overdue Chelsea. She put up with me through most of my moving all over the place. Since I mentioned her I might as well mention Stephen. That goes back to preschool!

Then of course theres the most recent. There's the how many different Michaels I know?! There's the Daniels, because of course I know more than one. Now, I'm not going to mention EVERYONE. I think you get my point by now - as I've now forgotten mine.

Oh yes, to love. I understand. I do. Whether I like it or not I have a heart and I do use it. And it's been crushed more than once. It's the "and to be loved" that I always seem to struggle with. While I know that I am loved it seems to be much harder to receive than to give.

I found myself talking to my dad last week. He said "Have you ever loved someone and theres nothing you or they can do about it?" and all I could think was "On more than one occasion." Everyone I "once" loved, I still do. I think if it were any other way, it wouldn't really be love.

The receiving, to me, is much like that of someone calling another a hero. It's flattering yet awkward at the same time. Well ok, maybe this is only in my case. Growing up, no one ever taught me how to receive love. I saw it given. Monkey see, monkey do. I do as I was shown to do. While I'm trying change this for myself it is no easy task. That, I can tell you. However, I never have been one for the easy way. I always want a challenge. I guess someone forgot to mention that this time, the challenge would be to receive love; to receive it from myself and from others. Lately all my challenges seem to be with the "simple" things.

Game. On.